I am probably the most awkward person I know.

Elevators are probably the most awkward place ever. We as humans, trap ourselves in a tiny room that's moved by a series of pulleys. Up and down, we ride the little room through a creepy, dirty shaft in the middle of a building.  We don't make eye contact, don't converse, and we stand in our own little corners 

Then you have Toni. She's the fool that tries to lighten the mood in an elevator by saying something. This is almost always a bad idea. 

I just so happened to follow a kid all the way from my car to the elevator. I noticed that the plaid on his backpack matched his shirt and decided to comment on it. 

"Your shirt and backpack match. It's like camouflage."

He slowly looked to the closed door and then down at his shirt. "Oh.. thanks?"

"Yeah, I noticed cause I followed you all the way in from the parking lot!"

"Oh!" He uneasily laughed and escaped onto the 4th floor. 

Alone in the elevator, I face-palmed. A literal facepalm. 

I got off on the 5th floor and went to class. 

After class, I decided to avoid the elevator. I went down the stairs. Plaid-boy jumped into the crowd of students directly in front of me on the fourth floor. I decided to just pretend like I was invisible. 

I sped ahead of him towards the parking lot, and was surprised to see him run up beside me and say, "Hey!"

I panicked. "I'm not following you, I swear!" I quickly blurted out like a mad woman.  

"Oh.. Well that's unfortunate!"

I flashed an embarrassed smile, waved, and took the long way around the parking lot to my car, only to remember that I was parked right next to him.

Shoot. 

I got in my car and quickly tried to get out of the packed parking lot. "Quickly" and "Parking Lot" don't go together. I didn't even get to flee the situation. 

I embraced the awkwardness. I rolled down the windows and had a great solo singing party. 

I love college. 

The Y

Most of the time, I tend to not care about sports in the least bit. Unless it's serious business like the Olympics or the BYU vs U of U game. 

I watch all of one football game a year. This year's kept me on the edge of my seat more than any other football game has in my life. Ever. 

We were 21-24 with 8 seconds left on the clock. The "Last Play" went down, leaving one second on the clock. Assuming that they won, the U of U fans jumped onto the field. Penalty. They had to clear them all off the field. Then they managed to rush the field AGAIN before the next play was completed. Penalty AGAIN. 

After clearing the field for a SECOND time, we somehow managed to miss our field goal. 

We lost.. but that's fine. I'm no bandwagoner. I still love my team. 

BYU

Apparently I'm a Part-Time Bird-Herder

I currently have two jobs that I absolutely love. I work at a flower shop and a wedding center for two different people with the same name as me. 

When I got to work today (the wedding place, not the flower shop), I followed Tony into the building.

"THERE'S A BIRD IN HERE!" he exclaimed. 

Let's be honest, I thought he was crazy. I didn't see a bird. 

"There it goes!" He pointed at nothing. 

"Now it's over there!"

I didn't see the dang bird, so I headed down to the bathroom to change into my cleaning clothes. I was halfway out of my pants when he yelled in a panic voice "Toni! Come here! Quick! I found it again!" I did an awkward hop-back-into-my-pants-run as I dashed out of the bathroom and up the stairs. 

Tony was pointing at the ceiling again where I soon spotted the bird flying next to the ceiling fans. So he WASN'T crazy. My mind suddenly filled with a vision of the bird hitting the ceiling fan and splattering everywhere. How morbid. I asked him if we could turn the fans off. He didn't know how.

We opened the door and tried to herd the stupid bird out into the wild. No dice. Instead, it promptly flew right into Tony's office and judging by Tony's loud yells of "Eww! He pooped on my desk!" got revenge on us for scaring him. I held back giggles as I waited for him to chase our new friend back down to me and hopefully not headfirst into one of the rapidly spinning ceiling fans. 

"Here it comes!" I watched the bird fly across the ceiling and settle on one of the rafters. I charged, trying to herd him towards the balcony. 

Soon after, it spotted the blue sky peeking through the open door. It made a run for it. We held our breath as he gracefully swooped towards the sunlight before hitting the solid window with a loud "Smack!"

"No, bird! That's not it! There's a door RIGHT THERE. See? Yeah? Keep going!"

BAM!! It ran into another one. This dang bird was going to knock itself unconscious! And I hadn't even cleaned any of the windows yet! Can you imagine what kind of trouble we would have been in had I already used windex to give the windows that commercialized streak free shine? 

And then, my new friend did the unthinkable. He pooped on my fresh linens. WHAT KIND OF FRIEND POOPS ON YOUR TABLECLOTH!? 

Somehow, he finally figured out that the door led him outside. We cheered. We high-fived, we broke out the sparkling cider and made a toast to people everywhere that have ever been pooped on by a bird. (Just kidding)

I spent the rest of the day cleaning up after the bird and the 200 guests from the night before. 

At some point before I left, Tony mentioned that he'd gotten a call from police the night before regarding the motion alarms in the building being set off. They had thought that someone had broken in. Nope. Just our little criminal birdy friend. He's now on the run from the Ogden city police. 

At least he didn't get chopped up by the ceiling fan.

and here is a completely unrelated picture of a cake

Win a date with Sam!

Meet Sam.

She's a hottie. 

We met clear back in Jr. High, when she used to follow me home from school like a puppy. (As I'm typing this, she mentioned that she followed EVERYONE home from school like a puppy.) 

Now we're all grown up and going to college and still super good friends. She doesn't follow me like a puppy anymore though. 

She likes to sing and she likes shoes. 

She also likes to steal my candy, play piano, and give back scratches. 

As you can see from the pictures, she has gorgeous blue eyes. 

AND SHE'S SINGLE!

CALLING ALL POTENTIAL SUITORS:

Please send your resumes along with a short paragraph describing you in order to have the chance to ask this lovely young lady on a date!

Requirements are :

Males only

Must be between the ages of 18 and 28

Single

Responsible and Independent

Must be able to type 40 wpm

Sense of Humor

MUST LOVE TO CUDDLE

(Sam is VERY cuddly. She even tries to cuddle with ME sometimes...)

Must be headed for a temple marriage

(And Toni thinks that you should at least have blue eyes somewhere in your family line, cause it would be so sad for her hypothetical children to lose out on their chance of having gorgeous blue eyes like Sam.)

Peach Days

From left to right: Me, Sam Gosset. Shea Metcalf, Allen Miller, Shane Heinze

Peach days is lacking when it comes to actual peaches. Did I see any? Yes, in fact. About twelve of them.

But when I get to hang out with these strapping young lads (and Sam), I'm A-Okay with that. 

Here's to peachless pre-birthday celebrations with awesome friends. 

Also, Peach cobbler is among my favorite things in life. 

The Chore Chart

After a rather long day of school, I walked into the house and threw my stuff on the ground. I soon discovered that my mother had left an entire college ruled sheet of paper of chores for me. I'm not talking a simple list here either. She had this thing divided into days and times too. This whole paper was covered with rows and columns galore.

I groaned. This weekend was SUPPOSED to be my birthday weekend.. And she decided to ditch town and leave me with a list of chores a mile long? How rude. 

I felt like Cinderella. 

Then I took a closer look at the chore list. 

It was filled with chores like 

- Kiss the dog

- Turn the air conditioner on so you don't roast

- Feed dog

- Feed cat

- Kiss the dog again. 

- Give loves to both pets

- You have to love BOTH pets - If the cat hates you, she will pee on your stuff

- Eat the leftovers

- Have a Happy Birthday

- Do a Birthday Dance

- Remember that I love you!

- Kiss the dog

I love my mom. 

Jazzy is a Model

My dear friend Sam didn't realize that when she bought herself a DSLR camera that she was actually providing my form of entertainment for when we are "hanging out" (a.k.a. spending time together while she does homework) 

As Sam was working on her homework, my dog and I came to this conclusion: The dog is going to become a professional model. 

Go ahead and tell me how she isn't fit for the job. 

She even has the attitude for the job.

The end.